Tonight I was greatly disappointed in some of my boys. You might call me naive or unrealistic and perhaps I am. But I was so heavy-hearted at their behavior. I still am!
This week we've received several new children, 16 to be exact, throughout the center. The two oldest are around 10 or 11, a tough age to make a transition like that. They've come from a neglected center nearby. Well, I was out in the main playground area of the center, well past when I should have been, 9ish, when I/we heard a great wailing commence. (I was out there because I had just discovered one of our other boys had broken into our visitor compound and was getting ready to steal things so I was bringing him to his Educator.)
Lo and behold, my precious darlings have beaten up one of the new boys. Four against one. THAT was enough to make my blood BOIL!!! On top of that, their demeanor with the male Educator who I was with was horrible, they were so disrespectful! I couldn't believe it. Then, they had the audacity to sass ME!!!
The whole incident just made me so angry. Here's where I become unrealistic - why couldn't they have thought "Oh I want to bless this new boy and invite him to play with me?" Or, how's about "I'm a Christian at a Christian center - I don't beat up new boys!" I'm quite sure these boys have heard of our center, we're very close by. I'm quite sure they've heard we're Christians and have church several times a week. Perhaps, just maybe, they encouraged each other and said "we don't have to be afraid, they're a Christian center so we'll be ok there. . ."
So for one of them to get beaten up, four against one, just breaks my heart. I can still remember when I was 9 and had started at a new school. One day shortly after school started, as I was walking home, I came upon a group of about 5 or 6 girls who had gathered for the sole purpose of beating me up! I can still remember the shirt I was wearing! And I remember how I felt. I could just imagine how this boy felt. We want to provide him with a safe, loving haven and instead my boys are awful to him.
At times like these, it's all I can do to not feel like such a failure. I know they're responsible for their choices but I think, if only I'd taught them better this wouldn't have happened.
This compounds a few other issues we've been having with them, the oldest boys, and I really need wisdom for how to deal with them. I do so want the Holy Spirit to work in them! I do so want them to be delightful young men that I can be proud of. It's hard to love them so much and yet be so disappointed. Please pray for us if you think of it! And say a prayer for our new kids too! Thanks!