Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A heartbreaking day

Christmas 2009 091 I got the phone call early this morning.  The phone call that everyone dreads.  The it's-never-good-news-in-the-middle-of-the-night phone call at 1am.  My Tia, her name is Laura also, was calling to tell me that sweet Naftal had just died. 

I was shocked.  I cried out and literally said "please don't say that Tia, please tell me that's not true."  I wept my way to the main room of the dorm where I woke my Tias with my cries.  I wanted to hand the phone to one of my tias - yet another Tia Laura - because I could barely speak, let alone speak and understand in Portuguese.  She in turn couldn't speak thru her own tears.

I tried to compose myself enough to call our center directors, Ros and Steve, but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I lost all composure again and cried thru my awful news.  They were so kind to offer to come up to the dorm (which I declined) and prayed with me over the phone and commiserated over the senselessness of it all. 

Then ensued the discussion of how and when to tell Naftal's father.  Being a westerner, I (as well as Steve and Ros), preferred to call him straight away, even though it was by now about 1:30 am.  But we wisely deferred to my Tias who are, obviously, aware of cultural norms that we can't grasp.  They were horrified at the thought of telling him on the phone.  And since none of us knew where he lived, we couldn't go tell him in person.

Christmas 2009 144 We called my head Tia, Eliza Julieta, who knows where he lives, and decided she would come in by 5am in order to go to his home and tell him as early as possible, hopefully before his day could begin and he left home.

(This was very hard for us Westerners to relate to as we can't imagine waiting to tell a parent six hours that there child had died.  But I recalled that when Pedro's grandmother died, his mother was in South Africa.  When the family called her, all they told her was to come home, they didn't tell her she had died.  They waited to tell her in person, something all my Tias agreed was the absolutely right thing to do.  So that experience had kind of prepared me for this.)

Naftal's older brother, Samito, lives in our center as well.  So we brought him to the dorm, only knowing he would be visiting home with the Tia.

When my Tia arrived, she found the father at church already, at a prayer meeting praying for his son.  Of course, when he saw them, he knew straight away that something was terribly wrong.  This poor man, my Tias description of him is "a strong man, strong in his faith who is suffering greatly."  It seemed an apt description when I met with him later in the day to arrange the funeral.

We met with Steve as well as our head Mozambican over the children and one of our pastors to make the arrangements.  He was staying so strong until we prayed for him when he just broke down in sobs.  Crying for Naftal but literally crying out to Jesus as well. 

December 2009 077

Can I give you a little window into my culturally foreign world?  When the tia came back from the hospital, she brought two bags, one which held food and containers and the other which held his clothes and little toys I had brought in for him to amuse himself.  I had to ask my Tias two things:  1.  Do I give the father back the food (unopened juice and biscuits and chips and yogurt, along with his food containers?  and 2.  Do I give his father the clothes to use for the ceremonies they do here?  Because sometimes I'm not sure what things are traditional and what are of a spiritual nature that we don't want to encourage.  I feel I have learned so many cultural norms here and yet when these things happen, I feel I have a million and one things still to learn.  That's likely true.  (the consensus was, give him the cooking pots but not the food and don't give him the clothes.)

However, one of the worst parts of the day followed:  arranging an outfit to give the father for Naftal to be buried in.  Little boys shirts and pants are for playing in, for climbing trees in, for tearing out the seat of the pants in, for getting scolded for getting dirty in.  Not for being buried in.  It.just.isn't.right.

Naftal will be buried tomorrow at 2pm. 

But he's already been in his real new home - heaven - for almost 24 hours now as I write this.  He IS healed, he IS free from pain, he is NOT suffering.  He is - no, he HAS been comforted by Jesus and his heavenly father, as there are no more tears and no more sorrow and no more suffering. 

And yet we miss him here with us.

January 2010 027

The heartbreak of Naftal's death has been complicated for us by the tragedy of the circumstances surrounding it.  I choose not to go into all the details I could in this public blog.  I will not share the detail by detail horror of it all, and I do not use that word lightly.  Let me share that my director Ros is a nurse.  She told me tonight that in 32 years of nursing, she has never seen a patient suffer so greatly yet needlessly  (don't misunderstand, she has seen people suffer more but everything was being done for them that could have been done).  His suffering could have been greatly alleviated by very simple and inexpensive (like, $5!) treatments that simply were not done for him.  He was given absolutely no treatment beyond paracetemol (tylenol) and a multi-vitamin.  Ros discovered today that this was not accidental or lack of knowledge, it essentially was a decision of the head doctor in charge. 

This extra burden is perhaps the most difficult of all to process. 

Wednesday night is Home Group here for the missionaries and we joined together to worship the Lord for his goodness and his sovereignty, as well as to "cast our cares for him for he cares for us."

I'll leave you with the scripture I read and one of the songs we sang that was deeply personal and applicable for me during this time.

In Job 41:10, the Lord says, "Who then is able to stand against me?  Who has a claim against me that I must pay?  Everything under heaven belongs to me."

Job replies in 42:1, "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.  You asked "who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?"  Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

I was comforted by these Scriptures that God is indeed sovereign and although I grieve, and I don't understand (as Job acknowledged), I have no "claim" against God.  My heart will not be hardened and my faith will not waver.  No plan of the Lords can be thwarted.

And the song that means so much to me:

Lord, I surrender all, though I'll never understand all the mysteries surrounding you, I'll just trust your perfect plan.

When I don't know what to do, I'll lift my hands.

When I don't know what to say, I'll speak your praise.

When I don't know where to go, I'll run to your throne.

When I don't know what to think, I'll stand on your truth!

Christmas 2009 033I know this has been long and I thank you for reading.  It has been somewhat cathartic to write.  I so appreciate your prayers and encouragement and love and concern.  I know there are no words but I appreciate them anyway. 

Please pray for his family and our center, especially tomorrow for the funeral.  Thank you friends and family!

I'll miss you sweet Naftallly-bally!


Samantha said...

oh mana laura, how heartbreaking.
i'm so sorry for this loss, and i hope you can feel the prayer of all who read your blog surround you and your dorm.
thoughts and prayers are with you.

Marina@EBMR said...

I'm so sorry Laura. My heart goes out to Naftal's family especially his father and those who loved him so much...and you. I will be remembering all of you in prayer. Our only assuring comfort is that this precious one is with our Heavenly Father, dancing down the streets of gold, giggling his heart out into the air. Blessings to all of you.

amanda said...

I am a lurker here--this might be my first time to comment. But I just wanted to let you know I am praying for the God of all comfort to make himself very known to you and those whose hearts are breaking right alongside yours.

Lori ~ The Simple Life at Home said...

Oh, I'm so, so sorry. What a heartbreak! I pray that God brings you, Naftal's family and all who cared for him comfort and peace in this terrible time.

Laura said...

Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to say thank you for your kind comments here this week. I have felt very loved and supported during this difficult month, especially this last month. God has given me the gift of his peace, beginning with Thursday, the day of the funeral in a big way! I am so grateful for that!

Samantha, I see you don't have a profile, can I ask how you found my blog?

And Amanda, thanks for commenting! I went to your blog and enjoyed reading it! As a single woman at a later age, I can relate to some of the things you may have gone thru, before God brought you Lawrance!

Nikita said...

I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child (or one like your own child). However, I know that for the past 10 years I have been dealing with the loss of my older brother. I was only 10 when it happened so I know it could have affected me much more later in life. But's it is still so hard. So I have some relation to what you're probably still going through. It's hard to lose a loved one. But one comfort (other than all the ones mentioned about heaven and God providing peace) is that you have those wonderful memories of him. Many of the memories I used to have of my brother are now faded or replaced by other things since I was so young when he died. I've struggled with not being able to remember him, but those happy memories are hopefully more engrained in your brain. Don't forget about them. Is this the first child you've lost since you've been there?